Let It Go
by Reader4Lyfe
Summary: He was born into hate and because of this he thinks it's all he will ever know. But then she comes and shines light in his dark world. Will he let the darkness consume him or will he finally let it go? Angsty Ed.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello people. This is just something on the side. It's the result of some serious tension and evil writer's block. This was beta'd by the best friend I could ever ask for Little Silver Rose. Lots and lots of love to you. This is darker than what I usually write and will probably only be about three to five chappies long. Nothing big and the chappies are short. So....**

**_Disclaimer_:"S Meyer here. R4L owns nothing but her brilliant brain and I know she'll get past her writer's block soon. Read on!"**

**Let It Go**

**Chapter 1**

Why did I do these things to myself? Why did I put myself through such torture and pain? Why did I hate myself?

Hate.

Such a strong word.

It can invoke the most powerful emotions in someone, make someone do something they later regret, say things they regret, believe things they shouldn't. They can't tell the difference between something real and something fake. Delusions, hallucinations, apparitions, they can all be born of hate.

And I think I was too.

I was born from hate. My parents hated each other. It was as simple as that. I don't know how they stayed together for twenty years without killing each other but they did and of their hate came me.

You see, according to my mother, Elizabeth, she and Edward Sr. got into a heated argument about her using his money to go back to school to get her Masters in business. To make a long story short they attacked each other, fists, slaps, yelling, screaming, you get the picture. They ended up having rough sex in which he practically raped her while she still attacked him.

Nine months later I came.

And my father never failed to remind me that I was a mistake and he wished my mother had gotten an abortion.

Edward Sr. was a cold man. He inherited The Masen Hotel from his father when he died of a heart attack about five years ago. He made a killing from it because the hotel was in the heart of New York City. I don't know how he ran the hotel and kept up the façade of the perfect life with the perfect wife and son but he did.

Elizabeth held the façade too and daddy dearest always threatened my life if I didn't do the same. The few times I refused, he almost beat me to death. I was in the hospital three times with near death injuries and he paid the staff to keep the shit that happened under wraps.

To this day I still don't know why he acts like that or why my mother does too. But Grandpa Masen never did. He was the sweetest old man anyone could ever meet. He used to take me out of that treacherous house and take me to toy stores where I could get anything I wanted, he told me stories of what my father was like when he was a child, hold me when I took naps in his lap…

I miss those days and when he died I retreated into myself. Edward Sr. blamed me for his death though his voice held no malice because he knew he was getting money out of it and Elizabeth just said nothing. She never really cared for the old man.

I didn't talk to either one of them after his death, not that I did much of that before. I stayed up in my room. I painted the walls black, covered the windows with black drapes and wore black all the time. You could say I was in mourning for my dead granddaddy but I wasn't.

I was self-loathing.

All the shit my parents said to me, the hate, the pain, the sorrow, the death, the accusations it all built up and then I started to believe it.

I believed it was my fault Grandpa Masen died. It was my fault my mother couldn't go back to school. It was my fault their lives where a living hell. They blamed me for every little thing that went wrong because they sure weren't going to blame themselves, at least not while they had someone else to blame things on.

And guess who that could be…

When I wasn't in school I was in my room. I hardly slept, spent my time in the dark. I listened to music that blasted from my iPod. I listened to everything from Apocolyptica's _I Don't Care_ to Slipknot's _Wait and Bleed_.

Call me emo, if you want but I just didn't give a shit.

My whole demeanor was dark. People stayed away from me like there was an invisible force field around me. No one ever made eye contact with me. No one ever talked to me. And I liked it that way. I kept to myself. I built walls around myself in case anybody who dared to look at me and try to decipher the shit in my head could immediately be warded off.

My teachers didn't talk to me either. They really had no reason to. I was the smartest kid in my class, that I think they were scared of me too.

The beginning of my junior year there was a rumor of a new girl coming, the daughter of some high end Movie producer who moved here from San Diego. A month into the school year the much anticipated girl arrived.

I hadn't seen her all day but Jessica Stanley and Lauren Mallory, the slut twins of the school, were raving about her, well, more like talking shit about her.

"_Did you see those pants she was wearing? Total knock offs!" Jessica said._

"_I know right! And those shoes! You'd think she found them off the street." Lauren scoffed._

I heard them say that while walking down the hallway to Biology. I shook my head and smirked at the wide birth a few people gave me when I turned a corner and stepped into my classroom. I took my seat in the back, pulled out a notebook and started to write meaningless words all over the page.

The classroom was only half full and Mr. Banner wasn't there yet but two minutes later that changed. The room was suddenly full and a girl walked in with Mr. Banner.

She had mahogany hair that almost reached her waist and pale skin. Her brown eyes shifted nervously around the room taking in everything and everyone, including me.

A part of my brain noticed how quiet the room had gotten and how people were blatantly staring at her but the other part of my brain was completely focused on her. A tremor ran through my body.

Her eyes.

I felt like they could see right through me, like they could see all I've been through, all that had happened to me. They held my gaze and then she blinked and looked to Mr. Banner.

A long, shallow breath came out of me. I hadn't even realized I was holding my breath. I watched as she talked with Mr. Banner, gave him a paper to sign and a book and head towards me. As she got closer I noticed what she was wearing. The black jeans that hugged her hips and thighs made my hands jealous because they suddenly wanted to run up and down them. The black chucks she wore were old and beaten but it added to her vintage look. The blue cami she wore accentuated her bosom and I had a hard time trying to find something else to look at.

Then she was in front of me.

She looked slightly scared but more nervous and her lips moved. It took me a minute to realize she was talking to me. Her lips were so…kissable; it was hard to focus on something else.

"Hi, is this seat taken?" Her soft voice wrapped around me and it felt like I was being lifted into the air. I felt weightless and empty, like all the shit I was carrying around me wasn't there anymore.

I shook my head at her and she sat, placing the book on the table in front of her. Mr. Banner started talking but I tuned him out, trying to remember what this girl's voice sounded like. I stared at her the whole period. She didn't speak to me or look at me and I was slightly sad because I wanted her to. I never wanted attention from anyone but she made me want to jump up on the table and scream 'I'm here! Look at me!'

I watched as she wrote notes about the lesson and listened to everything Mr. Banner said. I was again saddened when she didn't look at me when the bell rang as she gathered her things. I grabbed my notebook and as I stood to leave, her hand suddenly slipped into mine.

A shot of electricity shot up my arm and I suddenly felt very hot. And just like that her hand was gone and she was half way to the door. I looked down at my hand to see if it was on fire but it wasn't. There was a piece of paper in my hand though. I stood frozen for a moment and then headed to my last class of the day in a kind of daze, wondering when she wrote on a piece of paper since I watched her the whole period.

When I got home I, as per usual, went to my room and sat on the edge of my bed. I wanted to read her note the moment I realized it was there but something told me to read it in private.

I pulled it from my pocket and slowly unfolded it. The words made me gasp, my breath caught in my throat and my eyes sting.

_I see you, Edward. It _doesn't_ have to hurt all the time._

A single tear rolled down my cheek.

She saw me.

I knew she did but I think a part of me hoped she didn't. She didn't deserve to be subjected to such horrors, especially the horrors of me. She looked so innocent, so untouched by the world of mystery and terror. My mind was telling me to stay away from her but I couldn't. Not now. Not after she saw me.

She saw me.

My body wanted to be near her, my ears wanted to hear her voice, my eyes wanted to take in her beauty, the only light in my otherwise dark world. But my mind screamed for me to tell her off, to tell her that I didn't need anyone poking around in my personal business, that I didn't need her to shake my dark world. It was what I knew and I didn't want it to change.

But I did.

**What do you think? Hit the little green button and let me know. If I get twenty-five reviews I'll update on Monday but if not it'll be Thursday or Friday. My muse has been _Automatic_ by Tokio Hotel. It's their hot new single. Check it out!! **

**For those of you readers waiting for an update on SAM, that will come out within the next week. I apologize for the long wait but I had a two week vacation, no computer access, no internet and then school started and I've barely been able to write anything. So sorry for the wait. But I hope my new story co-written with Little Silver Rose, called Trials and Tribulations kept you busy. If only for a little bit. Again I apologize for the wait. ^_^**

**Until next time, R4L.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Here's chappie two, enjoy. Beta'd by my the bestest friend I could ever ask for Little Silver Rose. Show her some love.**

**_Disclaimer:_"Enjoy, people! I'm gonna go eat some chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream. Hehe." S.M.**

_**Let It Go**_

**Chapter 2**

_Her hands ran across the marred skin of my arms and chest. Her touch was like fire and left a path of it all over my body. She bent her head to press her lips to my chest and my hands gripped her waist. I breathed deeply trying to keep myself from hyperventilating, or fainting._

_"Edward, I'm sorry." She whispered._

_I shook my head and put my hands on her face to bring it closer to mine._

_"Don't ever say you're sorry for something you had no control over."I said fiercely._

_Her brown eyes stared into mine. I could see the acceptance in them, the lust and love, too, something I thought I would never be on the receiving end of._

_I crashed my lips to hers, my hands bringing her body close to mine. Her shirt was gone in a matter of seconds, and then went the white lace bra. Almost as soon as my hands touched her breasts a low moan escaped her lips. I smiled at the thought of being the one to do that to her._

_I squeezed and pulled and tweaked. She was panting hard. I could feel her heart beating rapidly against her chest. I lowered my head to take one of her erect nipples into my mouth._

_She gripped my hair as a shudder ran through her body. One of my hands ran down her abdomen to her jeans. I unbuttoned them and skipped my hand inside. I felt soft curls before—_

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

I shot up from my bed, disoriented and I was not happy at all.

Damn alarm! Damn school! Damn it all!

I sat up groggily, scratching my head. I rubbed my eyes before heading to my bathroom to get ready.

It had been about a month since Bella (I learned her name when Mr. Banner called on her in class one day and she jumped. She didn't seem to be paying attention though it looked like she was.) slipped that note in my hand and every night since then I've gone to sleep. I only sleep no more than a few hours but it's enough to have me dreaming about her.

I have dreams where I'm ravishing her on the biology table, in my room, in my car, almost anywhere. Those dreams were the ones that tended to be interrupted more often than not. I've had to take quite a few cold showers to relieve some tension. I sometimes wondered if mommy and daddy dearest noticed the lack of cold water in the house….

I slipped out of the bathroom, grabbed my bag and iPod and headed to my car. The parking lot was only half full when I got to school so I got a closer spot then I usually did. I didn't really pay attention to the time when I left the house.

I parked and then went to the cafeteria to grab something to eat. I bought a bacon and egg on a biscuit with some fruit and orange juice and found an empty table in the back somewhere. I sat and started eating. My thoughts immediately went to Bella. They usually did that when I had nothing to do, or sometimes even when I had something to do.

I could hardly escape her. Not that I actually wanted to anyways.

I remembered the dreams I had of her, the fantasies, and the perverted thoughts. Sometimes I felt like a stalker even though I only watched her in the one class we had together. Her face, body, eyes, voice, everything haunted my dreams.

And I loved it.

Even though I knew I couldn't have it. Ever.

I looked down at my watch; _8:08_. Damn, it was still too early. I took a bite of my sandwich and swig of my orange juice. I was going to take out my book to start writing mindless things when suddenly someone sat down in the empty seat in front of me.

And not just any someone.

_Bella._

My eyes followed her folded hands on the table, up to her forearms and shoulders, to her slender neck, up to her face. Her brown eyes were staring right at me. It was like she could see right through me, through all the shit I went through, through all my walls. It shook me to the core and scared me, too.

"Edward," She spoke softly.

My name rolled off her lips like honey and I forced my brain to remember the sound.

"Why are you talking to me?" Was the first thing out of my mouth. _Stupid, stupid, stupid. I'm a jackass. Way to ward off the only person to talk to you in years._

She blinked at me, as if what I said to her was a slap in the face or something, but then she steeled herself.

"Because you need someone to talk to," She said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

I laughed sardonically before speaking. "Why do I need to talk to something? Why do I have to talk? I like my privacy. It's the only thing I have that no one has tainted."

Bella's brown eyes were looking at me like I was the only person in the room. Again, I felt like she could see into my soul, see past all the shit I had been trying to cover up and thought was covered up pretty well.

I wasn't gonna to lie; she scared the shit out of me.

But then her voice surrounded me again. She spoke so softly that I don't think she thought I heard her but I did.

"I see you."

Damn those words!

They shook me to the core again and I felt traitor tears spring into my eyes.

I looked up at her and she looked ready to cry too, like she could somehow feel what I felt just now. And I didn't want to see that look on her face. I never wanted to see her cry. She was too beautiful for that.

Fuck, I went from a dark, lonely emo kid to a lovesick, sappy, emo kid. Wow, Masen, just wow.

And suddenly I didn't want to be here. I didn't want to see the stares I got or the wide berth people gave me in the halls or the ignorance of the teachers.

I wanted to be gone. Away from here. Away from everyone.

With _Bella_.

I looked at her again, not even realizing that I'd looked away from her and as if she'd read my mind she spoke, "Lets get away from here."

I hesitated.

She grabbed my hand as if to reassure me and again I felt that jolt run up my arm. I felt my hand get warm and I looked down and touched it with the other to make sure it wasn't on fire. She squeezed my hand and I felt like I would never have to feel like I was falling again. I felt grounded.

I stood and she did too. She kept pace with me as we hurried out a side door of the cafeteria to the parking lot. I helped her in my car and only a few seconds passed before we were on the road to the penthouse mommy and daddy dearest kept at the hotel.

"Did you drive to school?" I asked, suddenly aware that people would wonder where she was since her car would be the only one left in the lot.

I saw Bella shake her head out of the corner of my eye. "Got a ride with a friend. My car died."

I corked an eyebrow at this but didn't say anything more about it. Bella's hand reached for mine and we gripped the other's hand as if our lives depended on it. She brought her other hand up to cup my cheek and it felt so good. I melted under her touch. It was like I was a frozen Popsicle until she came and wrapped me up in her heat. I leaned into her hand and turned my head to kiss her palm, while still trying to keep my eyes in the road.

I glanced at her and she was smiling. I took pride in that I was the one making her do that.

We made it to the hotel and a valet took my car. I grasped Bella's hand in mine, not liking even the smallest space between us, as we made our way into the lobby. The staff gasped and murmured to each as I strolled in but I ignored them. I got a few 'Hello's and 'Good Morning, Mr. Masen's as we walked to the elevator and I nodded at them.

It wasn't the first I came in on a random day by myself. The staff could tell Mr. and Mrs. Sadist if they wanted too. It wasn't like they would do anything to me. Or could do anything more to me….

When we got inside the elevator I pushed the button for the top floor and leaned back against the wall. Bella stood in front of me. She had a slight smile on her lips. She reached up placed her hands on my chest and leaned into me. I wrapped my arms around and reveled in the warmth she radiated. I had never felt such warmth. It felt like I was on fire again and I looked down to see if I was charred but I wasn't. I was met with the beautiful pools of chocolate that could see me.

Bella leaned up and I leaned down. Our lips met in an earth shattering kiss that had me visibly shaking. Those lips were softer than my dreams that made them. They tasted like…I couldn't even think of a word to describe what they tasted like, except that it was just Bella.

The kiss was passionate, warming, exciting, astonishing, and plenty other adjectives that I couldn't think of at the moment because my mind was completely filled with Bella.

All the darkness, hate, sorrow and self loathing that surrounded me was suddenly washed away by this…this….this wonderful girl who see me.

Our tongues battled for dominance, our teeth clashed, and our hands gripped at whatever they could reach. I never felt so _alive_.

My hands settled on her lower back and a groan escaped me when she grounded against my now painful erection. I could feel her lips smile against mine and just as I was about get some payback for her sneakiness the elevator _dinged_ and the doors opened.

It seemed like it was forever we were in that elevator but only a few minutes at most. I smiled a real smile at her and took her hand as I walked out the elevator and into something I knew would change me for the rest of my life.

And I couldn't wait.

**Tell me what you think. Reviews fuel my writing drive. ^_^**

**Check out my collabo with Little Silver Rose called _Trials and Tribulations_. On both our profiles. Review if you read it please!!**

**R4L, _peace_!**


	3. Chapter 3

_**Sorry this took forever. school work been killing me these past few weeks. Much love to my best friend and beta, Little Silver Rose. As usual you are all kinds of awesome! XOXO!**_

**_Disclaimer:"Read people. Lemony goodness. I own, not R4L. Enjoy!" S.M._**

_**Let It Go**_

_**Chapter 3**_

I slipped the key card I always kept in my wallet into the slot and when the little light turned green I pushed the door open. Bella followed me in and I could hear her gasp. I watched her as she took in the high beamed ceilings, the window wall, the 60" plasma TV and love seat and couch in the living room. She walked around the corner and took in the kitchen with the latest appliances, marble countertops, and island. She walked down a hall that led to three bedrooms and a den. If she walked down a little more she would've encountered the door that led to the private pool upstairs.

"You own this place?" She said breathlessly as she came back to the living room where I was standing.

I shrugged. "Well, technically my parents do but I'm the only one that ever really uses it."

Bella turned her soul piercing gaze on me and I again felt scared yet excited. There was something about her that made me want to be what she needed me to be, who she needed me to be. I didn't want to dwell in the world of darkness that I spent the last seventeen years of my life in.

I wanted to be different.

But I was still scared. I was still bitter, even if I hadn't shown it since the cafeteria earlier. I could feel the hate and rage in me that told me that was not who I was. It told me I was hated and would always be hated. It told me that everything was my fault and that it would always be and nothing or no one could change that.

But the side that Bella brought out, no matter how small, told me that I wanted out. I didn't want to live like this.

Bella came up to me slowly, like any sudden movement she made would start the onslaught. But I could never hurt her.

She walked up to me slowly. She raised her hand and caressed my face from my temple to my jaw. I shivered at the touch, my eyes closing of their own accord. My hand shot up to catch hers and held it to my face.

"Why?" I whispered against her palm. She knew what I was talking about. I didn't have to look at her to know that. She had to know I was going to ask her why she wanted to help me. Why she was here…why she cared….

"Because you were the only one who looked me in the eye without flinching,"

My eyes snapped up to meet hers. What was she talking about?

I voiced my thought. She sighed and I felt her breath on my neck. It momentarily distracted me.

"Can we just…I mean…" She sighed again. It sounded like she was berating herself for thinking out of turn. I didn't want her upset and I didn't want to ruin the moment so I gently took her face in my hands and kissed her with everything I had.

The moment her arms wrapped tightly around my neck and she opened her mouth to me I knew it was end of the conversation. We would talk about it later. Right now, I needed her and she needed me.

Bella's fingers gripped my hair and I groaned at the sensation of it. My hands moved down to her waist and pulled her body flush against mine. She whimpered in my mouth and I smiled. I moved my lips to her neck, kissing every inch of skin I came in contact with.

"More," She whimpered. "I need more." It about cracked my heart in two to hear her sound so desperate. But I wasn't going to disappoint her. She was too important to me.

I moved my hands down the back of her thighs and lifted her legs up around my waist. I made my way to my bedroom. I kicked the door shut behind us just as Bella bit my neck, quite hard. I slammed her into the closed door and growled at her.

"Biting, now, Bella?" She grinned at me. Her chocolate eyes burned with lust and challenge.

"You liked it." She nipped my bottom lip.

"Vixen," I muttered before taking her lips in a bruising kiss. I moved us towards my bed. I laid her down and leaned over her. My hands ran up and down her sides and she shuddered.

"Edward," she whimpered.

I pulled her shirt up, all the while kissing each bit of skin revealed to me. Her skin tasted like fresh strawberries. The ones grandpa used to have when I was little and I would go to his house. Her shirt was gone in a few more seconds and I raised myself up to gaze at her heaving chest. The white cotton bra she was wearing was barely containing her and I gladly slid my hand under her to unclasp the bra.

I'd never unhooked a bra before but I did it and I took great pleasure in hearing Bella moan and writhe and grab at my hair while I pulled, bit, sucked, and licked at her breasts. Eventually I came up for air and grinned at her flushed face and neck. She looked so beautiful.

Suddenly she grabbed my shirt and pulled and it ripped down the middle. She grinned up at me and whispered, "Move it, Cullen."

My eyes flashed and in a second we were both naked. Bella scooted back to the middle of the bed and I followed, readily. I kissed up her body until I reached her lips. I wrapped my hand around myself and slowly slid into her heat.

I almost came right then at the feel of her. My legs shook and I struggled to stay up and not crush her with my weight. Bella groaned under me and hooked her legs around my waist, which allowed me to go deeper and I couldn't help thrusting.

I groaned.

Damn that felt unbelievably good.

Bella's hands shot to my back and ran up to my neck, scratching my skin. It was a delicious pleasure and pain. She whimpered again. If she kept that up I was going to pummel her. And suddenly, the thought of pummeling her, of destroying her, made me freeze.

It made me remember all the things that happened to me. The hate I'd lived with all my life. The hate I believed I was born from. The seclusion I lived in for seventeen years. My grandpa.

Everything.

And I didn't want to lay any of that on Bella.

She was too important to me, even in this short amount of time, even if I didn't know her like I wanted to; I didn't want to corrupt her.

Bella's hands rested on my face. She brought my face down to hers and kissed my lips softly, tenderly. She knew I needed it. I stared into her eyes and saw everything I'd been looking for and everything I didn't know I was.

And she whispered the three words I never thought I'd hear from someone who actually cared about me.

"Let it go."

**_Did you like it? Was it good? Let me know! Reviews fuel my ego. Those of you following SAM, that will be updated today or tomorrow. Sorry for the long wait but school is killing me slowly._**

**_R4L, peace!_**


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry for taking forever to update. My life has been hectic. I had exams and new classes and college stuff to take care of. My granddad's in the hospital and my boyfriend's dad was also in the hospital. Both of them are having heart problems. My internet and both my computers have been messing up alot lately and I've just got them fixed. RL has just been a little crazy. I also had some writer's block going on. **

**As usual I give much love to LSR who beta'd this. Without her I'd be lost. She kept me going when I just wanted to throw down my pencil and stop writing because I was so stressed out. I love you lots!!! **

**S.M. is currently on vacation so she won't be doing the disclaimer tonight. I will! Yay me! Lol.**

**_Disclaimer:_ S. Meyer owns Twilight. I own a bookshelf that doesn't have enough space for all my books.**

**EPOV**

I gazed down at her face as her head rested on my chest. Her breathing was slow and steady. One of her arms was thrown across my chest and one of mine was around her shoulders. I never thought I would see this day. I never thought I would actually have someone in my bed. Everyone had deemed me an outcast and I gladly accepted it, but she hadn't.

_Bella._

It still blew my mind. The day we've had…I shook my head slightly. The movement brought my nose closer to her hair and I breathed it in. It smelled like strawberries. I loved that smell. Bella titled her head some in my direction, as if she knew my lips were in her hair. Her body shifted as she brought a leg in between mine and almost pulled herself atop me.

I groaned as I felt her nipples against my chest and her warm center was closer to my cock.

Damnit.

I didn't want to be rude by trying to move her and waking her up and I wasn't sure if waking her up the way I wanted to wake her up was a good idea or not…

Then she moaned.

And I couldn't resist.

I lightly turned her so she was on her back; her beautiful body exposed and laid out for me. I kissed down her neck, nibbling on the place where her shoulder met her neck. I could feel her heart beat increase under my lips and I wondered if she thought she was dreaming as my hands moved of their own accord, sliding down her sides to her hips.

My lips continued their path down her chest. I sucked on each of her nipples, making sure to pay each one the same amount of attention. Bella's hands started to move and her breathing picked up. I wondered again if she still thought she was dreaming. I kissed down her flat stomach to dip my tongue in her belly button. She sighed heavily at that and I had to smirk because that was now my new favorite part of her.

I continued my way down, though, and once I got to her pussy I blew on it. She shuddered and for a moment I wondered if she was cold but the hand reaching down for me told me otherwise. I took her into my mouth and growled loudly at the taste of her. At this her eyes flew open and her mouth formed a little 'o' as she finally realized she wasn't dreaming and that this was quite real.

I continued to lick, nibble, bite, and suck on her until her body was writhing, her moans were loud enough to bother a few neighbors, her hands wouldn't let go of my hair and she couldn't control the movement of her hips. I knew she was close when her legs started to shake and she let go of my hair to grab onto the sheets. She all but screamed my name when I unceremoniously thrust two fingers inside her and she came. I lapped up all that she had to give me, made sure I got every last drop like it was my last meal.

Is it wrong to think I'm becoming slightly obsessed and it hasn't even been twenty-four hours?

I decided not to dwell on that because Bella was coming to and if the sight of her splayed out on my bed, trying to catch her breath after I made her come with just my mouth, wasn't the most beautiful thing my dark world has ever seen, then I don't know what was.

"Edward…" She breathed.

A smile graced my face. I loved the way my name rolled off her lips. It felt like a caress.

I crawled up her body, placing kisses anywhere I saw fit. When I reached her face she grabbed it between her two hands and kissed me hard. I knew she could taste herself on me and I was ready to pull back in case she felt disgusted but she didn't. She just moaned into my mouth and wrapped her fingers in my hair.

"If I could wake up like that every morning I'd die happy." She said when she pulled back. We were panting. We were so close that every time she took a breath in, her chest hit mine and her nipples were still hard.

I grinned then groaned.

"If I could wake you up like that every morning I'd be happy."

She smiled a beaming smile at me and it made my chest warm to think that I could actually make her smile after spending my whole life making everybody angry. I know I haven't known her that long, but after this extremely short amount of time, it feels like I've known her forever. Or at least something close to it.

I leaned down and kissed her already swollen lips, again delighting in the fact that I did that to her. I turned to lie on my side as I drew her to my chest. I could feel every line of her body against mine and fuck if it didn't make me horny as hell.

Bella nuzzled her face in my neck. I could feel her breath across my collarbones and I shivered. I kissed her hair. We lay like that for a while. I enjoyed the softness of her skin against mine and the way her fingers danced up and down my spine every once and a while. I didn't feel like I had to run and hide or lash out. I didn't feel like I had to push her away because of the shit load of hate and resentment that built up all my life.

I felt…peaceful.

I gazed out the window at the setting sun. It was the first time I'd ever seen it, ever took the time to sit and look out the window. I nudged Bella, to get her to turn over and look and when she did, she gasped.

I watched her face, an open book. She was amazed by it and it surprised me that she'd never seen it either.

"It's beautiful," She whispered.

"I know," My voice sounded strange to my ears; heavy, deep and full of emotion. Bella turned her head to look at me and I knew she knew I was talking about her and not the sight outside.

She leaned in and kissed me, long and slow.

Fuck, I love her lips.

But when she pulled back her eyes reminded me of something she'd said when we were in the living room.

I voiced my thought.

"What did you mean, back in the living room?"

Her eyes widened and I held my breath as I waited for her to speak.

**Tell me what you think. Just click the green button. I can tell you want to.**

**Please check out my collabo with Little Silver Rose called _Trials and Tribulations_. It's really good and on both our profiles. We're working on updating it better but we would like more reviews. They fuel our writing meter. lol. Any questions, concerns, comments? Review and/or PM me and I'll try to get back to you as soon as possible. Until then...**

**R4L, _peace!_**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey guys. I pulled this one out of my ass. I'm home sick and decided to type this one up really quick. I feel like crap and I'm just glad my best friend came home and beta'd this for me. She cheers me up like no other and never lets me give up writing. Even though I've had writer's block like a bitch and school is slowly draining my brain.....so glad I'm graduating this year!!!!**

**Anywho, millions of hugs and kisses and love to my bestfriend LSR. I'd be so lost without you.**

**_Disclaimer:_"SM is out. Actually I have no idea where she went but *coughs and sniffles* Ugh! Being sick sucks. I own nothing but a horrendous cold, a too small bookwshelf, and a few cyber bunnies." R4L**

**EPOV**

She looked at me with uncertainty and fear and shame in her eyes. I instantly regretted asking her that question but I needed to know. I _needed_ to. There were two ways about it.

I tried to reassure her. I ran my fingers down the side of her face from her temple to her chin. She breathed in heavily and her eyes softened. There was still some uncertainty and fear and shame in them but it wasn't as prominent. I also saw that damn tunnel vision that she pulled on me back in the lunch room.

I saw something else too but it was gone almost as fast as it had come.

"The first people usually think when they see me is that I'm a nice, good-looking girl." Try beautiful! "They think I'm just another person. But I'm not. I never was." She paused and I saw a dark shadow flash across her face. It scared me and I wanted to do anything to take it away. But she continued.

"I lived in San Diego until my parents died in a car accident when I was ten. I was sent to the closest immediate family, the only family my mother had left as my father had none, here, in New York. My Aunt Victoria and Uncle James were the cruelest people I know. When I got here they said it was a good thing my parents died. They said they were soft and too stupid to actually do anything useful with themselves. I cried and cried and they did nothing to console me.

"Instead they beat me and treated me like trash for years. There were constant hospital visits and lies going around. 'Bella's a rebellious child who does what she wants to do.' 'Bella listens to no one.'"

Tears streamed down her face. Her voice broke. I could feel my own tears wanting to come up. I could feel my heart break for her. I could feel anger swell up inside me for those fucking assholes that caused her so much pain after her parents died. I was going to tell her that she didn't have to continue but she did before I could even open my mouth.

"When I was old enough to understand that what they were doing wasn't how you were supposed to treat someone I took pictures of all my injuries. If they had to take me to the hospital I asked the nurses to take pictures of me. By then I always made sure I had a small camera with me. I'd saved a few dollars and bought one.

"Soon I had enough proof of abuse and neglect that when I turned sixteen I searched on the internet for ways to get emancipated. And I found one. Child Services does wonders sometimes…."

She chuckled darkly and without humor.

"They helped me find myself a job and a small place to live that didn't cost too much. I even saved up enough to by an old car. It cracked out on me yesterday so I had my friend…Riley take me to school. He's the only one who knows what happened to me and that's only because he's been through the same thing except by his own parents. When I first came to this school no one knew where I'd come from. They just knew that my dad was a movie producer and that I'd come from San Diego."

She wiped her face with her hands, covered it really. I knew she was hiding from me. She didn't want me to see her so distraught and hurt. She didn't want to see reject and disgust in my eyes.

When I tried to touch her she backed up and curled into a ball. I felt hurt but she was speaking again and this time the tears fell over and down my cheeks.

"I trained myself to be emotionless. I forced myself to rely on no one. To trust no one. I could hide everything that happened to me from my face, my voice, my appearance. Everything. But my eyes. A person could take one look in my eyes and flinch and back away as if I'd burned them. I couldn't…I can't…hide the pain and hurt and anger from my eyes. It always showed. Even Riley can't look at me directly and he knows what happened.

"But you can. Only you. And you knew nothing. I don't think you even realized it. But your gaze pierced me and in turn mine pierced yours. It's how I knew saying 'I see you' would make you react."

Suddenly she uncurled herself and was on her knees in front of me. She gave no regard to her nakedness as the sheet slipped to her thighs and her hands reached up to cup my face. Her brown eyes stared intently into mine.

"Edward…" She whispered.

And just like that I knew what she meant. I knew. I fucking knew.

I knew what it was like to hide. I knew what it like to force yourself into your own mind and body, to hide all the shit you've been through so no one would see you weak and damaged. I knew what it was like to be alone and to feel like there was no way out.

I fucking _knew_.

And the tears that were already pouring down my cheeks increased ten times as she saw all the walls I had built around myself break down. She pulled my head to her chest and lay back on the bed. Somehow she managed to reach down and pulled the blanket up some so we wouldn't be cold.

She held me while I bowled my eyes out like a little bitch. She held me while I told her my story. While I told her everything. Every-fucking-thing. About my parents. About my seclusion. About the hate and masochism.

Everything….

* * *

Bella held my wrists in her hands, running her soft fingers against the small scars on them.

"How long?" She asked.

And I knew what she was asking.

"Since 8th grade. At first I wasn't going to do it. I just toyed with the thought but then my grandfather died and everything just got a whole lot fucking worse…."

She brought them up to her lips and kissed each scar, the only things that really helped me cope with life. I smiled softly.

"I haven't though, since that note you gave me. A month is a long time. For me. I never expected this. I never thought that anyone would want to waste their time on me. I never…"

She silenced me with her lips.

It was soft and sweet and I all but melted. I rolled so she was beneath me and her hands went from my wrists to my arms to my shoulders and into my hair where she grabbed my hair. I groaned and pushed my mouth against hers harder. My hands traced the lines of her body. I moaned when my tongue touched hers.

We fell into each other, taking and giving and giving and taking. It made me feel like I could get better. Like I could be better.

And she'd always be there for me.

Just like I'd always be there for her.

**I'm kinda sad to see this story go but it's come to an end. I may extend it in the future but there's no guarantee. I may even do it by popular demand. *shrugs* who knows? **

**Anywho, to all you SAM readers, I apologize for not updating in a while but school is killing me and writer's block will forever be my arch enemy. The only thing that's left is the epi for that story so again I apologize for the wait. **

**To all you TNT readers: where are the reviews? LSR and I work really hard on that collabo and we barely get anything for our work. Like I said before, reviews fuel our writing meter. Give us love and we'll give you more chappies. *wink***

**Click the button and Edward will 'be there' for you too. hehehe.**

***coughs and blows nose* colds suck.**

**R4L, _peace_!**


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